Dear Scott,

Your brain and body parts—forthwith to be known as “the collective”—had a council meeting last night and decided that you should take better care of us by getting more sleep. If you fail to meet our demands, we shall punish you by going on strike, the effect of which will be a general malaise. Drinking coffee and other caffeinated beverages in the morning in an attempt to make you more alert will not suffice as a long-term solution.

Please consider us the next you decide to stay up all night playing Counter Strike, reading that interminable Dave Eggers novel, or reading your blogrolls.

Sincerely,
The Collective