The reviews are in! And Anthony Lane of The New Yorker gives no quarter:
The general opinion of Revenge of the Sith seems to be that it marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. True, but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion.
Full disclosure: I was never a fanboy of Star Wars, but I did enjoy the first three movies. Mainly, this was due to lack of access; Star Wars came out when I was four years old, and I wasn’t allowed to see PG movies until I was ten, so I totally missed it and The Empire Strikes Back on the big screen. I did manage to furtively watch the first two movies at friend’s houses — friends whose mothers didn’t care that their kids saw lightsabers, Bobba Fett, and Darth Vader.
My mother’s change in rules was just in time for Return of the Jedi, which I saw three times at the Park Rd. Terrace theater in Charlotte. It was amazing, especially being that each time I saw it the theater was packed with kids my age and their Star Wars-loving parents, cheering and clapping the whole way through the movie.
But, I never collected the dolls action figures, nor did I ever own an X-Wing, Tie Fighter, or Millenium Falcon. I was far more into other things, like, say The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
By the time that Phantom Menace came out, I chose to believe the hype and saw the movie. It was disappointing. It wasn’t Jar Jar that was the problem, although his idiotic presence in every other scene didn’t help, either. Looking back, I think the problem was that the stuff that made me ooh and aah as a prepubescent boy of ten just didn’t work any more. Lightsaber battles? Space ship chases? Eh.
That, and Lucas is, in my opinion, the anti-director. He delivers so many hammy lines to his actors that by all rights they should be dead from trichenosis. Couple that with the asinine attitude that Lucas has towards his fanbase by refusing to release the original trilogy on DVD as it was shown on the big screen, instead choosing to modify the movies as if they were living documents that can be changed at his whim2.
So, I never saw Attack of the Clones, and by all reports, I’m not missing much. Those close to me know that I will not watch it unless I’m strapped to a chair in front of a giant screen with my eyes propped open a la Clockwork Orange. Though the preview looked kind of cool, I may extend that boycott to this, the final3 Star Wars movie.
UPDATE: Tim Bray has this to say about Anthony Lane’s critique of Revenge of the Sith:
For those of us inclined to reading, there are few pleasures sweeter than an unalloyed, unsugared, unmerciful polemic, delivered with style and vigor and aimed at a thoroughly deserving target. [..] I am no more than a grasshopper in the presence of a master, but am still moved to remark that Lucas is a pasty-faced overgrown adolescent with a really dumb haircut, and that his talent for the occasional really great special effect in no way makes up for his lame plot devices, preschooler-cartoon characters, and profound lack of good taste.
Ouch.
1 I haven’t read a review this bad since Ebert panned Armegeddon.
2 c.f. The “Gredo shoots first” travesty.
3 Until Lucas “directs” Star Wars Episode VII: The Search for More Cash. Yes, I am aware that Mel Brooks already made that joke.